More Tears

Well, our week got off to a great start yesterday. I convinced the girls that if they walked themselves into school by themselves they could go to Target and get a reward after school. All went well, and they walked in. Hannah panicked as soon as we turned into the carpool line and said she wasn't going to get out of the car, but she did, even though I could tell by the look on her face she was fearful and sad. It BROKE my heart but I knew once she got inside she would be fine. She was and they both had a great day.

Well, this morning I had to wake both of them up at 6:45, which isn't a good sign. They usually wake up by themselves and are up before then. I knew they were tired when Emma starts crying in the bathroom over a fight over whose toothbrush was whose! Then throughout the morning Emma proceeds to tell me she is not going to school. Hannah cries saying she doesn't like school. Her teacher is great, her friends are great. She knows all the answers but there is one thing wrong.....I am not there. She tells me she is not going to school. I finally force everyone out the door into the car telling them that Daddy's alarm goes off at 4:00 am...he doesn't want to get up and go to work, but he does. Mommy has to spend hours in the office doing her business when I would rather be spending time with them, but I do it because I have to work. We all have responsibilities that we have to do and school is their responsibility. Now, I know this probably means nothing to them, but I have said EVERYTHING I know to say. We've prayed, we've talked about how God is with them, they know I would go with them if I could, on and on and on we've talked about this and I'm just flat worn out from talking about it. Sometimes I feel like saying, "I know you don't want to go but buck up and just do it!" I know that is harsh. I LOVE LOVE LOVE my girls to death, but a week of stressful mornings and tears and frustration is frankly starting to get on my nerves.

Anyway, we get in the car and they seem calmer. They decide they will do the carpool line because they are working on a goal of walking themselves in five times. (They don't have to be consecutive days.) After five they get to go to the Bounce House and jump. Hannah is all geared up for carpool and as we approach the school Emma starts her chant again. "I'm not going to school. I'm not going to school. I'm just telling you that I'm not going to school because I'm not going to school. You are going to try to make me go to school but I'm not going to school." This leads to her clinging to my leg screaming and crying as her teacher tells me, "It's best if you make a fast exit, Mrs. Edgerton." DUH! I was a teacher I know this, but it's hard to leave when your child is clinging to you like they're on a sinking ship and your holding a seven month old. So she helps pry Emma off my leg and I walk out of the building hearing Emma bawling behind me.

I'm just worn out. I'm frustrated that back to school is so hard in our house. I miss my kids. I know once the day starts they are fine. Although Hannah informs me that even when no one knows it, when her teacher thinks she is listening in class, she is really just thinking about me and wishing she was home! Sometimes I feel like I could do things so much better as a mother, but knowing how much my girls love me and our home makes me feel like we've done something right. It just breaks my heart for them that separation is so hard for them right now, but surely it will get better soon. PRAY that it gets better soon. It is stressful being the only one here in the morning to deal with all the drama. Joe leaves before even I get out of bed and it is hard getting all three of them up and ready for the day when they are so sad.